I don't know if I mentioned this but I decided to take on a 30-day hot yoga challenge at the beginning of January. Rather than making resolutions and trying to give things up (though I'll admit I tried giving alcohol up...for a solid week. HEY! I can, I just didn't see the point in going cold turkey at the time, haha), I decided to truly commit myself to my yoga teacher training. I decided to practice every single day in the month of January, something I wanted to do in the past but never did. Even some of my own teachers have never done the challenge, so I'm quite proud of myself for undertaking it. I knew it would be challenging, but I decided to make it happen; no excuses! The first week or so was much easier than I expected. The only thing that was a bit challenging was making the time to get to class every day for an hour and a half, which forced me to give up my shift at work one night because traffic on Elmwood caused me to miss the afternoon class. I could've just said, "Oh well, that was out of my control. I guess I just won't make yoga today," but I didn't. I had made a commitment to myself and I meant it. I'm so good about being there for other people, helping other people, and putting other people's needs and wants in front of my own, especially in a relationship, but I decided it's time to start being there for me. It's time to start showing up for myself, to the things I want, and not giving up. It's time to be much more committed to the things I want, but the things I could very easily back down from or tell myself I can't do. So, I did what I needed to do. The second week found me feeling a bit more sore but nothing too bad. The entire thing was still much easier than I expected. I was proud of myself, but I didn't really see what the big deal was yet. Ha! I was about to find out....
14 days into my challenge was a Saturday and I had to work 10:45 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I had a feeling I should get up and go to the 8 a.m. class but I had worked until 12:30 a.m. the night before and was exhausted. I decided to go to the only class I could, the 5 p.m. one in North Tonawanda, but unfortunately my last table took forever to pay. Once they finally did, I got stuck in a line of servers waiting to drop their money and add up their credit card slips, and when it was finally my turn, I realized I only had 14 minutes to make it to class. I was instantly upset as the realization set in - I was going to miss my first day of yoga. My mood sank faster than a foot would in quicksand. I was frustrated, mad, and lashed at out my friend, who had upset me earlier in the day. I blamed my day's negative turn on him, telling him he had started it. Then it hit me - if I get this upset and frustrated over missing a yoga class, perhaps there are many more reasons than one for me to be going! Dear Lord, I needed some zen. I started to think that perhaps this is also part of the challenge. It isn't just about physically being able to do yoga for 30 days, but also adapting to things that come up, working around them, and not losing your peace over them. I went home, relaxed, and tried to find my peace again (I believe there might also have been a little wine involved). I found out that the challenge doesn't necessarily need to be done with one class every day, but just 30 classes in 30 days. Yay! What that meant, however, was that I needed to do two the next day. THAT was when the real challenge began. I had never successfully completed two classes in one day and I wasn't sure if I could. Rather than let my mind convince me I couldn't do it however, I decided to go in there with an open mind, believe in myself, and simply do the best I could. And guess what happened? I completely rocked it out. I felt great after the class, mostly because I had done something I didn't know I could. Rather than not try because I wasn't sure I could do it, I believed in myself and tried. I was not only pleasantly surprised after, but empowered. The next day, however, I was very sore. That soreness has remained with me through the last day or two. I was so sore, in fact, that I didn't feel I could practice the next day. So I didn't. But what did that mean? You bet - I would have to practice twice the following day. Here we go again! Did I do it? Yes. Was I even more sore after? Absolutely.
The last week has been grueling! Every muscle in my body is tight, pulled, and stretched beyond its previous limitations. I am exhausted, sore, and every part of my body feels taut. My quadriceps and hamstrings are the worst, and the soreness I have felt in them for the past few days has been unlike any soreness I have had before. It would be enough to make anyone stop the challenge, anyone weak that is, anyone uncommited, and anyone looking for an excellent reason to give up. But that's not me, not anymore. I have become almost obsessed with showing up to those mirrors in the studio everyday, to myself, for myself. I spent too many years giving up on things I wanted, things I didn't know if I could do, things I was too scared to try. Not anymore. I ALMOST did though.
About five days ago I woke up feeling more sore than ever. My quads were so tight and so sore that bending over hurt. I needed to head to yoga soon because I had to work later but I honestly didn't think I could. I tried to do the third pose in the Bikram sequence, Akward pose, which is a three-part leg strengthening exercise. Um, OW! I filled my mind with thoughts of how sore I was as I tried to do it, and as I slowly slid down, I felt my quads hurting more and more. "I can't do it," I told myself. But at the same time, I didn't think I would be able to do two classes the next day if I felt this bad today. I pattered around the house for ten minutes, trying to decide. I really didn't want to go, physically, but mentally I did. I was so close to finishing my challenge and I certainly didn't want to give up now, but I honestly didn't think I could. Then I remembered something I always forget - I don't always have to be perfect! I push myself beyond my limits every class, and have become borderline obsessed with going further into the postures than I think I can, but one of the biggest elements of yoga is connecting your mind and body (and your breath), and LISTENING to your body. We can't always get as deep into a posture as the day before, and other days we are sore from something we did and need to adjust our practice accordingly. All I needed to do was show up and do what I could. A good friend also gave me a little much-needed kick in the butt, and off I went. Want to know what happened? I felt great the minute I got into the warm room and focused on my breath, so proud of myself for simply showing up when I didn't want to and didn't think I could. I was changing before my own eyes. No longer was I giving up on things the way I used to. No longer was I giving up on myself. And guess what? Not only did I do much better than I expected, but that class marked the first time that I held the one pose that I always fall out of because I push myself so much, Standing-Bow Pose, the entire time. I never fell out of it! I couldn't help but smile as the sun streamed through the window and danced on my skin, and I realized that this is what yoga is all about - teaching you to be the best possible version of yourself. It is about bringing your awareness to yourself, listening to yourself, connecting your mind and body, pushing past the limits of your mind (and body), and finding balance and harmony within. Balance is something I always struggle with, and I think the way I struggle with Standing-Bow Pose is symbolic of that. Yet, ironically enough, when I was too sore to push myself too hard, I struck the perfect balance I had been looking for. Sometimes we try so hard to be the best and do our best, or do everything, that we prohibit ourselves from doing just that. Pushing ourselves is great, and we can do so much more than we think, but finding a balance in everything is the true key to success.
What is one thing you really want to do that you simply haven't been making the time for? Maybe it's something you always wanted to try but never have, a group you've always thought about starting, or a class you've always wanted to sign up for? Perhaps it's getting back into your old pair of pants so you can start feeling better about yourself. Whatever it is, commit yourself to it; just one thing! Set your intention, fill your mind with positive thoughts, and whenever it gets hard and you want to just fall back into your old habits and give up, decide to try something new. Decide to push through, to not give up on yourself. As my mother always said, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going!" Whatever it is that you want, get going! And remember, as Emmerson said, "No one can cheat you out of ultimate success but yourself!" Stop cheating yourself. Stop holding yourself back. Stop giving power to the self-imposed limits of your mind. Have some faith - in yourself! I have learned so much over the past year, and the past 24 days of 24 yoga classes, but one of my greatest lessons has been that your faith, in yourself, is what makes you who you are. So, who are you??? ;)
I LOVE this post!
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