Your Moment

Most people look forward to a new year because they see it as a new opportunity, another chance, and a clean slate. In reality though, January 1, 2012 is just another day, one that follows the last and preceeds the next. All that really changes is the date we see at the top of today’s newspaper. Yet we see it as so much more! Why? Because we want to, and because we need to, but more importantly, because we choose to. We all want another chance so badly – to lose the weight we’ve gained, to get over the guy/girl we know it will never work with, to walk away from a situation we haven’t been able to, or to overcome an addiction. We crave another opportunity to “get it right,” and hope with all our hearts that this new year will be a better one, that it will give us the motivation to be a better version of ourselves, and to do whatever it is that we want but simply haven’t yet. But the truth is, we already have another shot – right now. We don’t need a new year, or even a new day to “get it right.” All we really need is this moment. If we can learn to change our thoughts at any given moment, we will consequently change the way we feel about ourselves, our bodies, and our lives, enabling us to do whatever it is we want to.

This morning I woke up with the intention of going to yoga at 9:30 a.m., studying my dialogue (I am currently training to become a Bikram yoga instructor), going to the gym for a run even though I’m feeling under the weather, attending a friend’s father’s wake, blogging, and working on my book. By 1 p.m., I still hadn’t done anything. I felt a little lethargic, very blah, and as much as I wanted to do all the things I planned, I decided to just go with how I was feeling. What quickly happened, however, was that I ended up feeling so much worse. I got mad at myself for not doing anything when I knew I really wanted to. I knew that once I got myself off the couch I would feel so much better, so why didn’t I? Because I was telling myself I didn’t feel like it, and as a result, I didn’t. Now don’t get me wrong, I do think it’s important to listen to our feelings rather than avoid them, but allowing our feelings and thoughts to control us is something else completely - and where most bad decisions come from. It’s like knowing you’re slightly hungry and walking into the kitchen for a piece of fruit to wind up eating a plate of pasta, some cookies, and perhaps a chocolate milkshake to polish it off! You feel instantly terrible about yourself and wonder, “How did that happen?” Well, you let it happen. You lost control of yourself, but you didn’t even realize it because you were on autopilot. You were eating for the wrong reasons, smoking that cigarette for the wrong reasons, and throwing yourself at that guy again for the wrong reasons. You were doing what you’ve always done and now you’re mad at yourself for it. You shouldn’t be, though, because THAT is what makes it so easy to keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing. You’re so focused on NOT doing what you’ve always done that you wind up doing it again. Why? Because what you think about, you bring about. You’re so focused on what you DON’T want to do that that's exactly what you wind up doing. You need to change your focus and direct your thoughts toward what you DO what to do. Instead of thinking, “I don’t want to stuff my face again,” think, “I do want to walk out of this kitchen and head to the gym.” Instead of thinking, “I don’t want to lose control of myself again,” think, “I want to stay in control of myself this time.” Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? It states that whatever you think about you attract more of to your life. So stop thinking about that ten pounds, because if you do, it won’t go anymore. Start thinking about the gym, eating healthy, rocking that swimsuit this summer, and how great you’ll feel when you’ve accomplished your goal. Stop thinking about how many days, or years, you’ve wasted not doing what you wanted to. You’ll just keep doing it! Start thinking about what you want to do, more and more, until you actually do it! It’s time to change your thoughts. It’s time to walk into the kitchen and look at that gallon of ice-cream and say, “No! Because if I eat you, I won’t feel better like I think I will. I’ll feel worse.” Tell yourself you don’t want it and then you won’t. Walk away and start a new addiction. Become addicted to that feeling you get what you say no, when you don’t do whatever it is you’ve always done, and when you actually do whatever it is you truly want. You’ll begin to crave more of it, and that’s a very good craving to have! It’ll fill you up in a way food never could. It will give you fuel and it will give you power. It will give you a reason to stop beating yourself up and to forgive yourself. It will give you a reason to start believing in yourself. It will give you a reason to stop hating yourself and start loving yourself.

Today I could’ve layed on the couch all day and I almost did. I could’ve used the excuse that I’m not feeling well (which is true), but I knew that if I did that I would only feel worse – and I did. I got mad at myself as I was sitting on the couch and my friend texted me that he was on his way to the gym. I wanted to hit the gym too, just like I had wanted to go to yoga, but I just didn’t “feel” like it. Or at least that’s what I told myself. In reality, I was simply letting myself off the hook. And that’s right about when I usually rub my own back and say, “It’s okay, Kim. You just do whatever you want to do, honey. Don’t feel bad about that.” But ironically enough, doing what I “want” to do now never leads me to what I actually want. I WANT to write a book, but I won’t get there by comforting myself whenever I don’t write. I WANT to lose this stubborn eight pounds I’ve put on over the past ten months, but that won’t happen if I continue to let myself off the hook when I “just don’t feel” like going to yoga or the gym, but would actually much prefer to head to Wegmans for some yogurt covered raisins. I WANT to stop letting myself off the hook, don’t you? I want to stop taking the easy way out. I want to stop giving up on myself. I want to be stronger than my own thoughts. We can be our own worst enemies or our own greatest sources of strength. It’s all about how you choose to use your mind. You can master it, or you can let it master you. I don’t care how many times you’ve failed before. As best-selling author Tama Kieves says, "Remember, you are not upset for what you failed to do in the past. You are upset for what you are failing to do right now. You have the chance to make it right. You have the chance to go forward with a new tool, lesson, awareness, or resolution in your heart. You have the chance to give yourself another chance. You have the chance to turn self-hatred into self-respect and conviction. You have the chance to re-build a sense of trust. It doesn’t matter if you can’t go all the way at once, you can do one small thing." Take back control of your own life and what you really want. You have the power to do anything you want, you really do, but the only one that can do it is you. And the only time to do it is right now.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I did get off the couch...and I wrote this! :-) Today isn’t New Year’s Day, and it doesn’t need to be. It doesn’t even need to be a new day. All any of us ever need is a new moment to be a new you or me in that moment. The power of the moment is so profound. Yesterday is gone and done and tomorrow has not yet happened. Don’t worry about tomorrow, you’ll be there soon enough, but how you FEEL when you get there will be determined by what you do now. You are creating your future right now. If you want to be slimmer in six months, start now. It you want to get over your addiction to alcohol, stop drinking now. Start with this glass, this class, this conversation, this job, and this thought. Stop holding back, because what you hold back will only hold you back. Give it all you’ve got and prove to yourself that you can do whatever it is you think you can’t. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel after. And do it one moment at a time. Change your thoughts about yourself from negative to positive. I don’t care what you did last year, last month, yesterday, or even one minute ago. I don’t care how many times you’ve failed before. Give yourself another chance, and if you screw up, give yourself another and another and another until you get it right. Love yourself enough to do whatever it is that you TRULY want, no matter how hard or uncomfortable it is. Sure, it’s harder to get off the couch, to get up one hour earlier to hit the gym, to put out that cigarette or put down that class, or to leave a marriage you know ended a long time ago, but easy never got anyone anywhere new. If you want things to change, you have to change them. And like my mother always said, “If you keep doing what you always did, you’ll keep getting what you always got.” Want something different? Then DO something different. You can do it, I know you can! But it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks. It only matters what YOU think. So...what do you think?! :-)