The thing I love most about yoga is that it is an exercise for my mind, not just my body. In fact, Bikram Choudhury, the founder of Bikram Yoga, insists that the amazing physical results regular practicioners see is just an added perk. It is the connection that yoga builds between our bodies and our minds that is so much more valuable. In fact, it is everything.
Most people workout to clear their heads, yet how many people do you see at the gym on their cellphones, texting or talking, listening to music, or reading magazines? Sure, working out releases endorphins and makes us feel better about ourselves, but it doesn't force us to still our minds. It's funny how quick we are to say that we need to work out to "clear our head," yet we are often just as overly-stimulated as we are throughout the rest of the day. Cellphones have made it virtually impossible to find quiet and stillness anywhere we go, and thoughts such as how many calories we are burning, how that equates to what we ate today, how much longer we're going to work out, who that guy is on the treadmill next to us, and what we're going to do after the gym are running through our minds nonstop. We are anything but present in the moment, as usual. In the complete silence and stillness of a yoga room, however, as you focus your eyes on your own eyes in the mirror, it is much easier to leave the outside world and all your thoughts and to-do lists behind. In the studio, it is just you and your yoga practice. The class is considered a 90 (or 60) minute moving meditation. Most first-time practicioners come only to work their bodies in a new way, just as I did, but it doesn't take long before most begin to crave the quiet space and sense of Self that is found in it. It is amazing to watch your body become more flexible much quicker than you thought, but it is even more amazing to begin to understand that it is only your mind that limits you, both in the studio and outside of it.
In our daily lives, we constantly tell ourselves "I could never do that," "I'm not skinny enough to wear that," "I would be too scared to do something like that," "Well I have kids so I can't do something like that" or "I don't have the money to do that." We limit ourselves all the time with our thoughts. We tell ourselves that something isn't so, failing to realize that because we believe it isn't so, therefore it isn't! A couple of years ago I heard a quote that said "It is our thoughts that create our reality." In the yoga room, I began to realize how much that is true. Balancing on one leg as you kick the other back and up toward the ceiling while bringing your upper body down toward the floor and stretching your fingertips as far forward as possible is not possible if you think it's not. It's also not possible if you're thinking of other things. The postures in Bikram's method are not held long compared to running a mile or weightlifting for 45 minutes, but they require 100% of your strength, determination, willpower, breath, and consciousness. You must be fully present in each moment to hear the instructions being given by the teacher, to move at the same time as you are told to do so, to perform the posture correctly, and to give it everything you've got. In this way, yoga is simply a tool that is used to create a connection between the mind and body. As Bikram says, "Without control of the mind, you can do nothing. . . . The greatest challenge we face as human beings is controlling and properly using our minds." In his book, the founder insists that in time, regular practicioners will become distraction-proof, emotion-proof, mood-proof, attitude-proof yogis because they have entered into a cosmic consciousness. By setting your intention at the beginning of class to be fully conscious and fully present for the entirety of the class, you allow yourself to utilize all your strength and willpower, as well as to overcome your mind. By being fully conscious and present in the moment, you will begin to see that all of your power is in THIS moment, and that at any given moment you can change your life . . . You just have to be there.
Now this whole being fully-present thing isn't a one-time deal. You don't walk into the classroom, clear your mind, and have it stay clear for the entire 60 or 90 minutes. Perhaps some avid yogis and gurus have gotten to this point, but I can assure you that I and most people have to pull their minds back in and let go of the thoughts that cross them several times throughout the class, particularly in Savasana. It isn't about controlling your mind 100 percent; it's about being aware of your thoughts and the power that they carry. Once you become aware of your mind and the way it works, you can begin to exercise control over it. Yoga will help you with this more than you could possibly imagine. As teachers we constantly tell our students to look back (or forward), reminding them that their bodies will follow their eyes. You must see something happening and expect it to happen before it actually does. Then it will! It's "The Secret" of the Universe and the secret of yoga. We must learn to be determined in our minds so that we can reclaim control of our lives. We must be determined to push harder and push ourselves further than we think we can. It is only then, and at that edge, that we begin to see our own limitlessness. More than anything, that is the one thing yoga has helped me do - not only inside the room, but also outside of it.
Bikram says that you must "kill yourself in class, push past shaking and pain and the desire to give up, because when you do that, you will kill your false, lowercase self and overcome the slavery of your mind." In the yoga room, you will realize, one class at a time, that the only thing that has ever held you back is your own mind. People get brainwashed into expecting very little of themselves. Make the decision to break free of the bonds that have held you back from achieving your true potential. Expect more. You can do so much more than you think you can. Everything is attainable through hard word. Work hard in the room but be patient with yourself and your body, and as you do, one class at a time, you will begin to see yourself doing so much more than you thought you could. Then, after realizing how much more you can do inside of the studio than you thought, you will begin to realize how much more you are capable of doing outside of it as well. I guarantee it!
Choose your thoughts wisely friends, for they create your reality. Namaste.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Stop Taking Care Of Everyone & Everything Else...Start Taking Care Of You!
Have you ever realized how much easier it is to take care of everyone besides yourself, or how much easier it is to spend one day after another doing something you don't love than taking time to discover what it is you love and what it is you were put here to do? Over the past year I have truly realized just how important it is to make time for myself and to stop putting everybody and everything else first. When I get stressed, overwhelmed, unsure of what I'm doing or where I'm going, scared, mad at myself for not doing the things I want to, or feel unbalanced, constantly fatigued, and just generally not as happy as I usually am, I always wind up realizing that I haven't been taking enough time for myself.
I grew up in a family of caregivers, women who take care of everyone else, and their homes, before themselves. Sounds great, right? Yes, there are plenty of amazing selfless mothers in my family, that's for sure, but there are also plenty of women who aren't happy with their bodies, who are stressed to the max because they are constantly overextending themselves, who aren't following their hearts, who don't know how to listen to their own inner voices because they're too busy putting everybody else's first, women who feel genuinely bad about doing things for themselves no matter how much they do for others, who can't sleep if there are dishes in the sink or clothes that still need to be folded, who tend to be control freaks and always do everything themselves instead of ever letting anyone help them, who don't take regular time to do something they love like join a book club or take fitness classes, and women who give so much to others that they often feel empty, unappreciated, frustrated, tired, and stressed. Suddenly doesn't sound so good anymore, does it? And how is anyone supposed to truly make their husband or child happy if they aren't happy with themselves? How is any marriage supposed to hold up when the two people in it have lost touch with themselves, and put a child before their marriage and each other in front of themselves? Somewhere along the line, particularly in my family, we misunderstood the concept that truly loving someone means putting them in front of yourself. I think that that is more the exception than the rule. I think that when it comes down to it, you should give up your fitness class after work to rush home to your sick husband, or that you might forgo that day at the spa to afford something your husband has been wanting for months, but I also think that you are supposed to make decisions like this from time to time when you love someone, not all day, every day. About a year ago, I abruptly realized that I was following right along in the tracks of the majority of the women in this family. I was making major decisions for men, constantly changing my plans to be with them or do things for them, taking care of them as much as possible, and giving up things I wanted for them more often than not. It wasn't until I wound up dumped, with no furniture, no money, no plan, and a broken heart in middle of a city I didn't want to be in anymore just two months after I moved for a guy that I realized how badly I needed to change. I realized that most women who put others first are women who don't know how to put themselves first, women who have been wounded in some way, and women who are loving others because it's easier to do that than to truly love themselves. I realized how true it is that the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself, as well as how much more of my time and attention that relationship needed...
Have I worked on my relationship with myself? Yes. Lots. Am I "done"? No. I may never be. Just like happiness, trust, self-love, and a marriage, it is something I think I'll be working on the rest of my life. We all will. The most important thing, however, is taking the first step. If you are like me, constantly putting cleaning, laundry, bills, and a never-ending daily to-do list in front of that thing you've always wanted to do, like writing or taking a ballet class, getting back into shape, or perhaps the thing you don't want to do but know you need to, like seeking out a counselor to help you work through that unresolved grief, traumatic life event, or dangerous habit, or leaving your job to find the one you really want, how are you ever supposed to be happy? I often get frustrated that I'm not writing, not blogging, nor working on my novel or sending articles to magazines, not sitting around local coffee shops anymore with my laptop and a book, but it's no one's fault but my own. It isn't my boyfriend's fault and maybe you need to realize that it's not your husband's or kids' fault - it's yours. Accept responsibility for your actions. There will always be other people to blame, a lack of money, a job, a lack of time, or whatever excuse you choose to use, but accept that that's exactly what it is: an excuse. If you see something about yourself that needes to change, DO IT! More than anything else, my yoga practice has taught me self-awareness. Awareness is everything. When I'm doing the dishes and cleaning nonstop or laying on my couch doing absolutely nothing, I realize that I'm doing it to distract myself. I'm putting stupid things in front of what I really want to do. Why? I don't always know. Maybe it's a bad habit, maybe it's easier, maybe it's just what I know, or maybe it's because the unknown in scary. Maybe it's because I was raised to be a caregiver, but what about taking care of myself?
My mom was the most amazing mother I could've ever asked for and shortly after she died, my counselor asked me to name a few things I think my mother could've done better. I couldn't think of any. Only over the past few years have I begun to realize, particularly from watching my sisters do the same thing, that she could've, and should've, taken more time for herself. She should've gone out with my dad more, just the two of them. She should've gone to the spa here and there, taken a weekend getaway with her girlfriends once a year, flown to see her mother in Tampa on her own once or twice, and maybe she should've not waited to go back to school for what she really wanted to do until my sisters and I were all grown up. The only things she ever did for herself were religious things. She was a very happy person but I think she was so busy taking care of my sisters and my dad that she wasn't doing enough for herself and didn't stand up for herself the way she should've sometimes. Sometime you have to make waves in a marriage or with friends or with your boss to get what you want. Sometimes you have to hurt somebodies feelings or feel "selfish" to do what you want. You only get one life, and if you spend it making everybody else happy besides yourself, would you be happy with that? I wouldn't. If you don't put yourself first, no one else will. If you don't put down the laundry or walk away from the sink sometimes, you'll clean your life away. Stop making it so easy for other people to get what they want while you don't get anything you want, stop putting all the little things in front of the things that really matter, and stop making it so easy for yourself to do everything besides what it is you really want. The only one you're cheating is you.
It's scary going after things you want. It's harder to do the thing that's right for you but maybe isn't for your marriage or your boyfriend or your roomate. But if you don't do what's right for you, who will? If you don't chase your dreams and spend time figuring out what it is you were put here to do, who will? If Thomas Edison wouldn't have put his ideas and experiments first, we wouldn't have the lightbulb. If the Wright Brothers wouldn't have taken the time to experiment and build the first airplane, you wouldn't be able to take vacations and travel to see friends and family like you do. Imagine if Steve Jobs would've said, "Nah, that's a stupid idea. I'll just stick to working on my house," instead of inventing iTunes, the iPod, the iPad, and the iPhone. He literally changed the face of modern technology, and to do that he not only made time for himself, but he believed in himself and his ideas when no one else did. When giving a speech about inventing the iPhone, Jobs said, "It comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don't get on the wrong track or try to do too much. We're always thinking about new markets we could enter, but it's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important." When we try to do too much, we wind up doing nothing well, or nothing at all. We have to learn to say no, as hard as it may be in the beginning, to people and things that drain our energy and time so that we can focus our energy on our lives, our happiness, our dreams, and what our own inner voice is telling us to do. Learn to say no. The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.
Tonight, I'm going to let those dishes sink there. I'm going to start saying no the voice that would have me clean my life, work my life away, and wish my life away. Tomorrow, I'm going to start my day with yoga, walk to the lake to pick myself some fresh flowers for my apartment, make myself a yummy breakfast, and then spend my day writing - the thing I always want to do but never do. Tomorrow is another day, another chance, another gift, another opportunity to find time for you and do whatever it is you want. What will you do with it?
I grew up in a family of caregivers, women who take care of everyone else, and their homes, before themselves. Sounds great, right? Yes, there are plenty of amazing selfless mothers in my family, that's for sure, but there are also plenty of women who aren't happy with their bodies, who are stressed to the max because they are constantly overextending themselves, who aren't following their hearts, who don't know how to listen to their own inner voices because they're too busy putting everybody else's first, women who feel genuinely bad about doing things for themselves no matter how much they do for others, who can't sleep if there are dishes in the sink or clothes that still need to be folded, who tend to be control freaks and always do everything themselves instead of ever letting anyone help them, who don't take regular time to do something they love like join a book club or take fitness classes, and women who give so much to others that they often feel empty, unappreciated, frustrated, tired, and stressed. Suddenly doesn't sound so good anymore, does it? And how is anyone supposed to truly make their husband or child happy if they aren't happy with themselves? How is any marriage supposed to hold up when the two people in it have lost touch with themselves, and put a child before their marriage and each other in front of themselves? Somewhere along the line, particularly in my family, we misunderstood the concept that truly loving someone means putting them in front of yourself. I think that that is more the exception than the rule. I think that when it comes down to it, you should give up your fitness class after work to rush home to your sick husband, or that you might forgo that day at the spa to afford something your husband has been wanting for months, but I also think that you are supposed to make decisions like this from time to time when you love someone, not all day, every day. About a year ago, I abruptly realized that I was following right along in the tracks of the majority of the women in this family. I was making major decisions for men, constantly changing my plans to be with them or do things for them, taking care of them as much as possible, and giving up things I wanted for them more often than not. It wasn't until I wound up dumped, with no furniture, no money, no plan, and a broken heart in middle of a city I didn't want to be in anymore just two months after I moved for a guy that I realized how badly I needed to change. I realized that most women who put others first are women who don't know how to put themselves first, women who have been wounded in some way, and women who are loving others because it's easier to do that than to truly love themselves. I realized how true it is that the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself, as well as how much more of my time and attention that relationship needed...
Have I worked on my relationship with myself? Yes. Lots. Am I "done"? No. I may never be. Just like happiness, trust, self-love, and a marriage, it is something I think I'll be working on the rest of my life. We all will. The most important thing, however, is taking the first step. If you are like me, constantly putting cleaning, laundry, bills, and a never-ending daily to-do list in front of that thing you've always wanted to do, like writing or taking a ballet class, getting back into shape, or perhaps the thing you don't want to do but know you need to, like seeking out a counselor to help you work through that unresolved grief, traumatic life event, or dangerous habit, or leaving your job to find the one you really want, how are you ever supposed to be happy? I often get frustrated that I'm not writing, not blogging, nor working on my novel or sending articles to magazines, not sitting around local coffee shops anymore with my laptop and a book, but it's no one's fault but my own. It isn't my boyfriend's fault and maybe you need to realize that it's not your husband's or kids' fault - it's yours. Accept responsibility for your actions. There will always be other people to blame, a lack of money, a job, a lack of time, or whatever excuse you choose to use, but accept that that's exactly what it is: an excuse. If you see something about yourself that needes to change, DO IT! More than anything else, my yoga practice has taught me self-awareness. Awareness is everything. When I'm doing the dishes and cleaning nonstop or laying on my couch doing absolutely nothing, I realize that I'm doing it to distract myself. I'm putting stupid things in front of what I really want to do. Why? I don't always know. Maybe it's a bad habit, maybe it's easier, maybe it's just what I know, or maybe it's because the unknown in scary. Maybe it's because I was raised to be a caregiver, but what about taking care of myself?
My mom was the most amazing mother I could've ever asked for and shortly after she died, my counselor asked me to name a few things I think my mother could've done better. I couldn't think of any. Only over the past few years have I begun to realize, particularly from watching my sisters do the same thing, that she could've, and should've, taken more time for herself. She should've gone out with my dad more, just the two of them. She should've gone to the spa here and there, taken a weekend getaway with her girlfriends once a year, flown to see her mother in Tampa on her own once or twice, and maybe she should've not waited to go back to school for what she really wanted to do until my sisters and I were all grown up. The only things she ever did for herself were religious things. She was a very happy person but I think she was so busy taking care of my sisters and my dad that she wasn't doing enough for herself and didn't stand up for herself the way she should've sometimes. Sometime you have to make waves in a marriage or with friends or with your boss to get what you want. Sometimes you have to hurt somebodies feelings or feel "selfish" to do what you want. You only get one life, and if you spend it making everybody else happy besides yourself, would you be happy with that? I wouldn't. If you don't put yourself first, no one else will. If you don't put down the laundry or walk away from the sink sometimes, you'll clean your life away. Stop making it so easy for other people to get what they want while you don't get anything you want, stop putting all the little things in front of the things that really matter, and stop making it so easy for yourself to do everything besides what it is you really want. The only one you're cheating is you.
It's scary going after things you want. It's harder to do the thing that's right for you but maybe isn't for your marriage or your boyfriend or your roomate. But if you don't do what's right for you, who will? If you don't chase your dreams and spend time figuring out what it is you were put here to do, who will? If Thomas Edison wouldn't have put his ideas and experiments first, we wouldn't have the lightbulb. If the Wright Brothers wouldn't have taken the time to experiment and build the first airplane, you wouldn't be able to take vacations and travel to see friends and family like you do. Imagine if Steve Jobs would've said, "Nah, that's a stupid idea. I'll just stick to working on my house," instead of inventing iTunes, the iPod, the iPad, and the iPhone. He literally changed the face of modern technology, and to do that he not only made time for himself, but he believed in himself and his ideas when no one else did. When giving a speech about inventing the iPhone, Jobs said, "It comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don't get on the wrong track or try to do too much. We're always thinking about new markets we could enter, but it's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important." When we try to do too much, we wind up doing nothing well, or nothing at all. We have to learn to say no, as hard as it may be in the beginning, to people and things that drain our energy and time so that we can focus our energy on our lives, our happiness, our dreams, and what our own inner voice is telling us to do. Learn to say no. The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.
Tonight, I'm going to let those dishes sink there. I'm going to start saying no the voice that would have me clean my life, work my life away, and wish my life away. Tomorrow, I'm going to start my day with yoga, walk to the lake to pick myself some fresh flowers for my apartment, make myself a yummy breakfast, and then spend my day writing - the thing I always want to do but never do. Tomorrow is another day, another chance, another gift, another opportunity to find time for you and do whatever it is you want. What will you do with it?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Returning To You, Returning To Me
Hello, dear readers. I apologize for my absence, much moreso than you know, as whenever I don't write for an extended period of time it begins to take a significant toll on my mental and emotional state. Just as when I forget to find time to relax or do something for myself, when I "forget" to write because I'm just too busy with my never-ending life to-do list, I feel overwhelmed, stressed out, empty, unfulfilled, fatigued, and disconnected. So I've made a decision: No more placing everything else in front of my writing and in front of myself. Life is too short to let life get in the way of what we truly want, right?
Over the past couple of months so much has happened! I decided to become a yoga instructor and worked my butt off to be able to afford taking a two-and-a-half-week trip to Santa Barbara, California, for the immersion part of my training. I met a great group of people very similar to myself, people with whom I not only practiced yoga and the extensive class dialogue with, but also practiced becoming the best version of myself and getting out of my own way long enough to discover my own limitless potential. The training was exhausting physically and mentally, amazing, frustrating, gratifying, eye-opening, and life-changing, and I flew home from it n bad need of rest but having to work non-stop to make up for my time away. I have been playing catch-up ever since my trip, in addition to continuing to memorize the rest of the dialogue on my own in preparation for my first mock class as a teacher. I had my mock class last week and now I begin teaching this week! Hooray! However, as per usual for me, I have spent the last week feeling down and out, frustrated, unmotivated, and mad at myself for "doing nothing with my life." Like most overachievers, I have spent the majority of my life focusing on the next step, not the one currently under my feet that I worked so hard to get to, and that's the best way to miss your own life. I work so hard to get somewhere and then feel as though I am already supposed to be past where I am. I expect so much of myself that nothing is ever good enough, and I'm so used to self-criticism that if I ever tried to pat my own back I'd have to turn around to see who it was! I suffocate my own potential under piles of self-judgement, self-doubt, a fear of failure, and a clock that is always tick-tick-ticking. There is no room leftover for creativity, peace, self-trust, assurance, and the faith that everything is unfolding exactly how and when it is supposed to. I have to stop the cycle, my own vicious cycle, of self-sabotage and self-criticism. The Bible tells us that where there is fear, love cannot abide. Similarly, where there is self-doubt, self-trust cannot abide. I need to TRUST that I am exactly where I am supposed to be on my life's path, that the events and relationships in my life are unfolding exactly as they are meant to, that there never have been and never will be any mistakes (just lessons and redirections), and that I will choose the path that is right for me whenever the one I am currently on abruptly stops and leaves me with no other choice but to abandon the old one and begin walking a new one.
I have spent my entire life questioning everything that happens, everything that might happen, everything that hasn't yet happened, and everything that will never happen. I have questioned myself and my own decisions relentlessly, to the point that running a marathon would feel like a day at the spa compared to being in my own head! Unfortunately, all that questioning doesn't show logic or wisdom, it shows a complete lack of trust in myself and the grand plan for my life. I have watched several things unfold in my life so magically over the past year and turn out so much better than I ever could've imagined, yet I still feel the need to question and worry and wonder. Why? I grew up thinking that controlling as much as possible would get me what I wanted, but only in the past year have I realized that letting go is what gets me everything I didn't even know I wanted and so much more than I could've hoped for!
Life is full of unexpected bumps in the road, a never-ending to-do list, bills that come as quickly as each new day, and non-stop decisions that we over-dramatize and blow up into a matter or life or death, but none of those things matter if you trust in yourself and your own ability to handle them the best you can! If you trust that no matter what you choose to do at any moment, your life is still going to turn out exactly as it's supposed to, you don't have to WASTE time stressing and worrying about every little thing. "Overanalysis leads to paralysis." Don't get so caught up in analyzing every possible move and every one of its possible effects on your life that you make no move whatsoever. "Instead of getting stuck in the unending cycle of indecision and procrastination, get some perspective and start taking action. Begin focusing your attention on progress, not perfection, otherwise you will self-sabotage your efforts." I have been a perfectionist my whole life, as well as a major over-analyzer and my own worst critic, and that is lethal to creativity, growth, and self-exploration. It's time to exercise some loving patience with myself. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now, and if I stop beating myself up for all I'm NOT doing, I'll have so much more energy and love to focus on what I AM doing.
So tonight, dear readers, I send all of you a little more self-patience, self-acceptance, and a whole lot of self-trust. Everything is unfolding exactly as intended... <3
Over the past couple of months so much has happened! I decided to become a yoga instructor and worked my butt off to be able to afford taking a two-and-a-half-week trip to Santa Barbara, California, for the immersion part of my training. I met a great group of people very similar to myself, people with whom I not only practiced yoga and the extensive class dialogue with, but also practiced becoming the best version of myself and getting out of my own way long enough to discover my own limitless potential. The training was exhausting physically and mentally, amazing, frustrating, gratifying, eye-opening, and life-changing, and I flew home from it n bad need of rest but having to work non-stop to make up for my time away. I have been playing catch-up ever since my trip, in addition to continuing to memorize the rest of the dialogue on my own in preparation for my first mock class as a teacher. I had my mock class last week and now I begin teaching this week! Hooray! However, as per usual for me, I have spent the last week feeling down and out, frustrated, unmotivated, and mad at myself for "doing nothing with my life." Like most overachievers, I have spent the majority of my life focusing on the next step, not the one currently under my feet that I worked so hard to get to, and that's the best way to miss your own life. I work so hard to get somewhere and then feel as though I am already supposed to be past where I am. I expect so much of myself that nothing is ever good enough, and I'm so used to self-criticism that if I ever tried to pat my own back I'd have to turn around to see who it was! I suffocate my own potential under piles of self-judgement, self-doubt, a fear of failure, and a clock that is always tick-tick-ticking. There is no room leftover for creativity, peace, self-trust, assurance, and the faith that everything is unfolding exactly how and when it is supposed to. I have to stop the cycle, my own vicious cycle, of self-sabotage and self-criticism. The Bible tells us that where there is fear, love cannot abide. Similarly, where there is self-doubt, self-trust cannot abide. I need to TRUST that I am exactly where I am supposed to be on my life's path, that the events and relationships in my life are unfolding exactly as they are meant to, that there never have been and never will be any mistakes (just lessons and redirections), and that I will choose the path that is right for me whenever the one I am currently on abruptly stops and leaves me with no other choice but to abandon the old one and begin walking a new one.
I have spent my entire life questioning everything that happens, everything that might happen, everything that hasn't yet happened, and everything that will never happen. I have questioned myself and my own decisions relentlessly, to the point that running a marathon would feel like a day at the spa compared to being in my own head! Unfortunately, all that questioning doesn't show logic or wisdom, it shows a complete lack of trust in myself and the grand plan for my life. I have watched several things unfold in my life so magically over the past year and turn out so much better than I ever could've imagined, yet I still feel the need to question and worry and wonder. Why? I grew up thinking that controlling as much as possible would get me what I wanted, but only in the past year have I realized that letting go is what gets me everything I didn't even know I wanted and so much more than I could've hoped for!
Life is full of unexpected bumps in the road, a never-ending to-do list, bills that come as quickly as each new day, and non-stop decisions that we over-dramatize and blow up into a matter or life or death, but none of those things matter if you trust in yourself and your own ability to handle them the best you can! If you trust that no matter what you choose to do at any moment, your life is still going to turn out exactly as it's supposed to, you don't have to WASTE time stressing and worrying about every little thing. "Overanalysis leads to paralysis." Don't get so caught up in analyzing every possible move and every one of its possible effects on your life that you make no move whatsoever. "Instead of getting stuck in the unending cycle of indecision and procrastination, get some perspective and start taking action. Begin focusing your attention on progress, not perfection, otherwise you will self-sabotage your efforts." I have been a perfectionist my whole life, as well as a major over-analyzer and my own worst critic, and that is lethal to creativity, growth, and self-exploration. It's time to exercise some loving patience with myself. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now, and if I stop beating myself up for all I'm NOT doing, I'll have so much more energy and love to focus on what I AM doing.
So tonight, dear readers, I send all of you a little more self-patience, self-acceptance, and a whole lot of self-trust. Everything is unfolding exactly as intended... <3
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